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“He always apologized, and sometimes he would even cry because of the bruises he’d made on her arms or legs or her back. He would say that he hated what he’d done, but in the next breath tell her she’d deserved it. That if she’d been more careful, it wouldn’t have happened. That if she’d been paying attention or hadn’t been so stupid, he wouldn’t have lost his temper.” 

– Nicholas Sparks (Safe Heaven)

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This post in inspired by an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, where a little girl shoots her father multiple times to save her mother from being physically assaulted and how a particular doctor at the hospital gave the mother courage to leave her husband and get out of the marriage, to save the little girl from further trauma.

This is something which happens on a daily basis in families across the world and more so in India, where men are revered by their wives and daughters because they’ve been told that “good girls from good families don’t talk back to their husbands and fathers“. I’m not proud of it but I hail from such a family myself, where a woman’s voice should always be kept lower than her husband’s no matter what the situation and any act against that is seen as an act of defiance. A man can beat his wife black and blue, beat his sister black and blue and the parents would still be concerned about the ‘society’ not knowing. This is the world you and I are living in and what are we doing about it?! I’ll tell you what, sweeping it under the rug just like those girls who get raped and come back and cry to their parents. “Don’t mention this to anyone, the word might get around and no one will marry you!”

In most cultures in India and also around the world I’m told, women are taught to be subservient to men. Starting with my own religion where women cover their heads in Church to give respect to the men whose rib we are supposed to have been created from to Islam where women wear Burkhas because the Holy Book says, “O Prophet! Say to your wives and your daughters and the women of the faithful to draw their outergarments (jilbabs) close around themselves; that is better that they will be recognized and not annoyed. And God is ever Forgiving, Gentle.”

— Quran Surah Al-Ahzab Ayah 59

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Religion might divide us otherwise but they all seem to be coming together on one aspect and that is how women should respect their men.

I’m writing this blog not to gain sympathy from men and not to say that all men are bad. There are some loving men in my life and in your life; I know that they will never treat women this way but what of the other scum bags who verbally abuse their wives, sisters, mothers and girlfriends?! Who will bring them to justice?! An acquaintance of mine recently got married and is facing hell from her husband. Her parents told her to close her eyes and bear with it as most marriages are rocky in the beginning. She was even told that if she got divorced, nobody would marry her elder brother and that this is a sacrifice she’d have to make for her family. Her name will not be revealed for reasons understood by all. She is still married to him and she endures what she has to because she honestly has no way out and neither me counselling her nor anyone else will make it stop. She is like any other woman from an orthodox family; proud and with her head held high, she’ll endure it making her parents proud.

May I ask one simple question to all of you women reading this and enduring marital abuse of any kind at home?! Have you ever thought about your children and what they must be going through?! If you think you’re being selfless and enduring abuse on your own, you’re stupid! If you’re dragging your kids into this however little or big they are, scarring them for life… then I have no respect for you at all! I know that people make you believe that children grow up better with both parents but yeah tough luck; life didn’t give them that option so please don’t put them through mental trauma during the years that they should be loved and caressed. Get out of the relationship and give yourself and your children another shot at living.

You all must be wondering what gives me the right to judge all of you right?! I’m not married and I don’t have children. I had my grandparents come in and support my mother when she was going through the worst phase of her life and yeah, things worked out eventually but I do remember the nightmares, the sleepless nights wondering whether my dad would kill my mom in her sleep. (I was 5 years old and I honestly didn’t know the gravity of fights) My extended family blame my troubled childhood to how I landed up with an eyebrow piercing and tattoo, many bad habits and oh so many friends who are boys. All in all, I think I turned out alright considering I’m fighting for women all around by spreading the word. This post wasn’t meant to piss anybody off and disrespect my family in any way. It’s the truth and sometimes, the more you run away from it… the more you realize that you’re losing a part of you!!

I don’t want you to LIKE this post but I want you to share this post to any friend of yours who seems to be going through a verbally abusive relationship or marriage. Be a friend and pull them out of it before they hurt themselves or scar their children for life. Children never forget what they see however young they are. It’s etched in their memory for all eternity and it becomes part of who they are. Please don’t stand idle to someone going through this! If you want to talk and don’t know who to talk to, please contact me on paul.anjali@gmail.com I cannot guarantee that you will find an answer to your problems but you will have a ready ear to hear you out!!

Picture courtesy – www.telegraph.co.uk and media.photobucket.com

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