Everyone has a point in life when they feel their lowest and there’s a point when they break and can’t feel any lower. It’s called the tipping point. People react to this tipping point by either curling up into a ball and shying away from the world or pulling up their socks up and deciding that they have no other way but to get up and take life by its balls (pardon the expression).
I read an article which said that women tend to have more reason to fear depression and psychological problems when compared to men because their hormones react in a way which makes them easy prey to such mental and emotional ailments. Most of these ailments are caused by sleep deprivation and extremely stressful situations. Wow, really… child birth and then this; cut us some slack won’t you?!
I recently went through one of these phases when I was upset because I wasn’t getting enough sleep and went into a psychotic mode (hope you’re happy PIyer) as my boyfriend wasn’t giving me enough attention and resorted to calling his Dad’s cell a 100 times. It’s funny now, maybe but at the time… I think my boyfriend was very close to dumping me and having me admitted into a mental asylum. This was followed by me throwing my precious HTC touch phone (which I bought after I broke my previous phone during another one of these outbreaks to the ground), not once but twice, cracking the screen so bad that it needed to be bandaged and kept away from human contact for fear of being cut. This episode was followed by tears and a little bit of remorse (not really) as I was pissed at having broken my phone and added more expenditure to myself when I hadn’t even got my first pay cheque after I got here. Why did I do it?! Honestly, I don’t know. I think I lost control over my emotions and actions for a few minutes and my rage which was building up over the time that my boyfriend was taking me for granted just got the better of me. Am I psychotic? Should I be admitted in an asylum? Do I need therapy? Hmm… I don’t really know about that but all I do know is that after a really restful Sunday, I’m back to my old self again.
In retrospection, I noticed that I surrounded myself with dirty clothes and a messy room. In short, my room reflected my mood and so did my appearance. I make it a point to wake up every morning, brush my teeth, take a dump, bathe and then wear bright clothes with matching earrings and footwear on a normal good day. For the past 2 weeks, while I was depressed, I wore just about anything that I could grab, going to the extent of wearing mismatched clothes and earrings and footwear. My face was as turbulent as my mood and that led to me slacking off at work and to my luck, there wasn’t so much going on that people would notice. I noticed and I knew that something had to be done. I came back to my room on Saturday evening, went on a spring cleaning spree where I turned my room upside down and washed clothes, segregated dirty from clean, folded my socks, cleaned my table, wiped my books, made my room a reflection of my mood again… only this time… I was happy!! I sat in front of my laptop and blogged after such a long time. It made me feel alive again and I just want you to know that everyone goes through these moods when lethargy becomes your best friend because your mind is telling you that you’re not capable of doing or being any better. Fight it. Today, before it’s too late.
Thank you Divya Singh for being part of my life and opening my eyes to so much I never thought I’d learn and see. I’m so happy that I came to Bodh and got a chance to be working alongside you. Sorry PIyer for being a pain in your ass, but I think it’s allowed once in a while… what being the love of your life and all eh? Things will change for the better, you’ll see… just have a little FAITH!