Provoking Thoughts During A Bus Journey

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Anjali Mariam Paul copyrights, APU, Bangalore, Bus, Development Student, INDIA, Journal, Journey, Lady, Misguided Wayfarer, Querencia, Students, Thoughts, Travel, Travel Diary, TRAVELOGUE

There’s something soothing about a long bus ride, taking you to a world away from the one you’re stuck in. (If you’re staying in Bangalore, then you know that it means a daily commute to anywhere. As a matter of fact, it’s faster for me to cross the border to Tamil Nadu than to reach MG Road from where i stay, in Electronic City.) But, that isn’t the point of this post. I’m referring to that same bus journey which takes forever but is a journey into your past, reminiscing about moments lost, fleeting moments of love and betrayal…

A few hours when you can let your tears fall, without people intruding in on your pain, telling you that things will okay when maybe you don’t want it to be okay… What if you just want to wallow in self pity for a short while? Shed tears where have been left unshed for hours, days, weeks and months… Enjoy a song a little more emphatically than you would otherwise… cry a little harder at something which didn’t require even a fleeting thought… remember people who walked out without saying a word… And as you wait at a signal, look into the eyes of random strangers and see your pain reflecting in their eyes.

Give someone your best smile, knowing only too well that in this city so big, there’s no chance in hell that you’ll meet them again and if you, you can consider it serendipity.

What is it about bus rides that makes me creep into this new avatar who is oblivious of the physical constraints and just lets me be… What is it? I cry a little harder, I smile a little wider and I enter this world where I am one with myself.

I stare a little too deeply into the underlying violence that exists in the lives of the hawkers on the road. I can see the police lurking close by, probably for a cut or to drive them away once they’re give the order. How did they get to live a life like this? Did they ever get a chance to enjoy a childhood when the main concern was enjoyment and not sustenance? Do their children go to school? Do they dream just as I do? Do they dream at all?

As the bus takes a route where I’m surrounded with skyscrapers, I wonder how many of them come out of their balconies and think of jumping off just to feel the exhilaration of not being caged…

I hear a child laughing ecstatically at something at the back of the bus and as his mother tells him to quieten down, I want to tell her to let him laugh because the innocence of his laughter will be lost in a few years an his gurgle will be the only thing that resonates off the walls when you’re worried about his tests, exams, fees, extra classes and future dreams. Let him laugh as much as he wants… Just let him be.

Picture copyrights: Girl on the bus saved me (Can’t seem to source the artist. If anyone knows, please let me know.)

The Journey of Love

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Anjali Mariam Paul copyrights, Asia, Booze, Creative Writing, Fight, Gifts, Hate, Heartbreak, INDIA, INSPIRATION, Journey, Life, Love, Lover, Me, Partner, Romantic, Soulmate, Travel, Trips, Writing

Booze

If you’re single, getting over a recent break-up and you like somebody, do NOT get drunk with that person. It normally ends up with you making out with the person, talking about really deep stuff which you definitely remember but honestly want to forget, make out some more and then end up falling in love with that person. It’s not your normal everyday romantic story but hey, I’m not your normal everyday person!

Love

When following that little episode you want to call fate but actually thinking that life were a sketch where things could be erased, you find yourself leaving your partner in romantic crime with a heavy heart; you know that you’re done for. When that little act is followed by sleep and pleasant dreams of the both of you together, take a gun and shoot yourself. It’ll save you the trauma of making the biggest mistake of your life which you will in turn call the most awesome thing that ever happened to you. You spend hours on the phone and can’t think of a time before this when you’ve been happier; when you have and you want to believe that it’s the best thing to happen to you since ‘The Beatles’. When phone conversations lead to weekend getaways and weekend getaways lead to meeting his friends and being introduced as his girl; yes… that is the time you should drop everything and run. You don’t because you believe that love is the meaning of life and all the lyrics to a dozen boy bands’ numbers which you can probably quote  from the top of your head.

A Pair of Lovers by Vincent van Gogh

Long Distance

From being just a few hours away to being miles away from each other; you’re both convinced that love will see you both through… not realizing that love will probably be the reason to drive you both away from each other. 6 months – honeymoon period – my ass. 2 months tops and then  it happens… your first fight. You both love the passion when you fight and always want to end the day with an ‘I Love You’. You fight. You make up. You nearly break up but oh no, love keeps you together. More secret getaways and it feels as though nothing has changed and maybe it hasn’t. His eyes look into yours and they’re dancing with love and giddiness and you feel that emotion they talk about in romance novels. You know for real now that he’s your man!

Change

Time passes. The situations change. Boy goes away to college and now his priorities have changed as well. You are no longer on his speed dial and he doesn’t need to talk to you everyday to let you know that he loves you. It’s understood. Your insecurities get the better of you and you want an answer to trivial things like, “Why didn’t you call me the minute you woke up, like before?” “Why didn’t you call back when you saw a missed call from me?” “Why didn’t you call back last night when you said you would?” You fight. You believe that he’s in the wrong. You want him to be the same man you fell in love with. You crave for his attention. You dread him finding someone else to replace you. You know it can happen easily. You worry yourself to death. You try threatening him. You try saying everything in your power to keep him close but he goes further away. You go insane.

Hate

You hate each other and want to rip each others heads off and there’s nothing his friends or your friends can do to stop it. You try pulling back but the damage has already been done. You have long spells of not talking. You fight. You cry. You break your phone. You break up. You make up. You have work driving you insane and your boyfriend as well and you need to get away. Somehow, the hate has now dissolved into indifference and then you’re both hoping that it just goes away but it doesn’t. It manages to somehow dissolve into love again.

Epiphany

After 3 years of battling a long distance relationship, you don’t hate each other and you don’t love each other either. It’s just a feeling of inertia as he likes to call it. You’re in it because you’re accustomed to the routine of having someone to rely on or vent out. You hate everything about each other but you’ve loved each other too long to notice anymore. Conversation is minimal and you wonder why you’re still in it but then, there are these images you see around you of happier times when you loved stealing his t-shirts and wore them to sleep. You remember all the surprises you planned for each other over the years… You remember the sleepy ‘I Love You’s’… you relive all those wallpapers you changed on your phone and on your laptop to tell the world that you were in love… you check your inbox, reading all the mails you sent each other when you were smitten… you remember trips to Thol Lake and late night drives to DPS… you remember romantic dinners you’ve had together… you relive memories of discovering cities together hands intertwined and you realize slowly that he is still everything you loved about him back then and only more… you remember calls to just hear each others’ voices and never to really talk and it strikes you like a lightning bolt. Just when you were about to give up on him, you realize that you’re neck deep in love with him all over again and you can’t really help but want to write a blog post for him to say, “I Love You!”

Epilogue

He might never read this and I might never ask him to. Just knowing that I still love him is all the justice I require to join hands with him and fight our fight. The funniest thing is though, we’ve just been fighting our love… the time is soon coming when we will have to fight for love…  I’ll sleep happier tonight knowing that it’s all worth it, in the end.

Picture courtesy: http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large/a-pair-of-lovers-vincent-van-gogh.jpg

Chronicles From The Shatabdi Kalka

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Anjali Mariam Paul copyrights, Friends, INDIA, Indian Railways, Journey, Life, Luxury, Official trip, Photography, Quotes, Shatabdi, Train, Train journey, TRAVELOGUE, Writing

“Train journeys gives you an insight to the true you, devoid of inhibitions which lets your fellow travelers see something more of you than even you never knew existed… They also give you a chance to check out hot men (none of them in my compartment, just my luck!!)… ”  – Anjali Paul

So, here I am on the Shatabdi Kalka on an official trip to Shimla, Himachal Pradesh in an attempt to help the HP Govt. with their English Assessment Levels. Ooh and it makes me feel so important sitting on the train and typing away on my laptop like my typing is going to be saving lives… Hehe… and I think people sitting next to me are even prying into my screen and yeah, it makes me feel so damn special 😀

 

The train is absolutely spectacular, will be posting pictures along with this in the hope that nobody will mind, by nobody I mean the Railway Dept. of course. The Shatabdi is a super fast train which connects important (frequently traveled cities) and this one runs between New Delhi and Kalka. I’m a little happy to be taking the train instead of the flight because I’m not a comfortable passenger on the flight. My ears get blocked which is followed by an ache which doesn’t go for long. Anyways, flights make me feel very oozy and not to forget my motion sickness. Sigh, yes… I have serious issues!! Anyhoo… so getting back to the train again; it’s absolutely awesome (should really work on my vocabulary). The seats are all plush with a provision of a small pull out table at the back of every seat, where you can place your laptop  , gameboy or food. There is ample leg room, so that any 6 footer can be very comfortable in these seats. In the backgorund I’m listening to the UK Top Singles from December 2012 I think (Thanks Pari!) to drown out the crying, cranky baby. Speaking of babies, I read this funny tweet… “All of you wanting to to have babies, try handling a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum because she couldn’t get rid of her shadow.” Hahaha!! That was HILARIOUS and thank GOD I’m not married and don’t have to witness that for a LONG time now 🙂

Now, getting back to the Shatabdi, there is a line of lights in the centre of the ceiling, making it nicely illumniated apart from the large windows bringing in the view of the beautiful countryside we’re passing at the moment. Sigh… This, I can do for a living!! I get free food (included in the ticket cost) and I can’t wait to see what it is 😀 Happy happy day!!

I love train journeys because I get to be so mysterious and have people think strange things about me with the little that my body language and demeanor lets slip. I used to make a lot of friends on train journeys when I was younger, now I just stare at everyone as everyone stares right back at me. Sigh… I wish I was that old me again… starting a game of Bluff with absolute strangers and ending up sharing secrets in less than a few hours.

Now, the importance is slowly fading and I’m trying to figure out the purpose of this post. Since I don’t seem to be finding one, I shall be logging off 😀

Yayayayayay!! Train journey!!! I’m sleep deprived and hence the crazy energy making me seem like I’m high on something. Much love!!!