You always wonder when the love really died. You backtrack and somehow it never comes to that one fateful day when the love just died. It happens over time, they say but you don’t believe that to be true. It can’t be. That either makes you naive or blind, either of which you don’t ever want to accept out loud or even to yourself. What makes you feel worse is the fact that this isn’t the first time. This has happened to you before and you blamed your idiocy and ignorance the first time. What’s your excuse this time?
Picture courtesy: rimfrost.deviantart.com
He just wasn’t that into you!
You want to be that happy person with the perfect high school sweetheart who loves you from the bottom of his heart. You want to be married right out of college and fight and make love and have a world so small that you’re in each others’ faces all the time; so much so that you can’t take your eyes off each other and can’t stand each other at the same time. You want to be everything you dreamed of when you were 15, (reading M&Bs wrapped in newspaper so that your parents didn’t think you were reading inappropriate books) where your future was a guy would finish your sentences and love you every minute of every day. You want to be that young reckless couple parenting ruffians and growing up with them. When did things go so royally wrong? You’re turning 26 in less than a week, in a dead end relationship with no hopes of ever seeing a future with happiness, marriage and kids. It hurts. It makes you want to curl up on your bed and just hide under the covers until you get over this ‘take pity on me’ phase. When did life go so wrong?
“You have to forgive to forget, and forget, to feel again.” – Unknown
Romance Novels and Romantic Comedies
Romantic books and movies ruined my life. They always made me believe that there was ALWAYS a happily ever after, even when he wasn’t coming back… even years later. He wasn’t secretly following your life and pining for you like every guy in every romance novel is depicted as doing. He moved on. Deal with it. He just wasn’t that into you!
Old Monk and Romance Novels
“Old Monk is the answer to a broken heart.” – Me
Staying in an apartment gives you certain privileges. You can be upset, drink rum, talk, write, cry, read, read Romance Novels without wrapping them in newspaper now because now it’s okay to tell anyone who cares to listen that you want love and are desperate for it, watch sappy movies and remember dialogues which you will then quote to your friends and state how they all relate to you. It’s not the best combination in the world but Old Monk normally has the answer to most of my problems, even if it just sleep.
“Because there’s one thing stronger than magic: sisterhood.” – Rob Benway
After having a lot of friends turning into boyfriends, I decided to give sisterhood a chance. Am I glad!! I found the most awesome women who are just as quirky as me, have the same problems with men and are the most important people in my life to call sisters. When you’re having an emotional breakdown, they are there to give it to you straight and do it gently, helping you every step of the way. They will laugh at your jokes, tell you it’s not funny and still laugh along because they know you need to be funny to evade the pain. They will be there on the other end of the distress call, when somebody called you ordinary looking and you wanted to confirm. I don’t know what I would do without you guys. Some of them are married, becoming mothers to puppies… others are single battling life along with work and the rest are happy in a relationship, never once forgetting that they have a friend who is going through a really rough patch in life. What would I do without you guys?! I have flatmates to add to that list now. One feeds me when I’m upset and we all share our depressing stories to make the other feel that their life isn’t so bad.
I’ve been told that I’m an open book and that’s a bad thing. If I wasn’t, you would never have gotten to hear what I had to say about break-ups and dead-end relationships. I whine, bitch and crib about everything in life and I also find the best in everything and everyone I see. I’m frank about what I feel and I don’t mind fighting with friends over something as trivial as a tweet if it means that I get them to understand what I feel. I’m not that smart, am ordinary looking, have bangs to cover up these very visible white sun burn marks on my forehead and am an attention seeker. I believe I write my best when I’m upset or pissed and want to bite somebody’s head off. I’m turning a year older and the only thing I have as proof to how much I’ve grown is my blog. It is my world. I know no other. I don’t know what this post was actually about as I lost my train of thought. I intend to post next after I turn 26 which is a few days from now, to tell you how it feels to be on the other side of 25. Don’t expect it to be happy. Although, I want you to leave my blog today with a smile. You never know who is going to fall madly in love with you today by just watching you smile. This is one of my favorite songs from when I was a teenager. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGXxcSdsXJ4